Whose Child is This?

Have you ever been somewhere and saw a little one that looked lost? Our first response is keep them safe, while you start looking around for an upset mom or dad. Because we just know that they must be almost frantic looking for them. What about a child that is being abused? Why is it that we try to hide these things? Turn away and figure that someone else will do something. Why is it okay to respond to the little lost toddler, but not the young girl that shows signs off shame? The helping of that little one will be quick and our involvement will be done. The abused child will take much more effort on our part and theirs.

I grew up with two male figures in my childhood. Both being step fathers, my birth father left before I was born. The first one didn't want me there, so he was verbally abusive. I was a burden that he didn't want or need in his life. The second one wanted me to much... he sexual abused me from the time I was around 9 or 10 until I left home at 17. Then he found me and raped me for the last time at age 20. I was not their child to protect.

I've spent almost 20 years trying to figure out whose chid I was. My birth father didn't want me, 2 step fathers would never call me their child to love and protect. Even my mother was never strong enough to love and protect me. So I spent those years trying and failing to earn someone's love and protection. Trying to be the good little daughter. Never fulling grasping that a true parent would love me without me doing anything for it.

It took some heart wrenching loses to realize that my "Daddy" God loves me just for who I am. His love is there no matter what I do or don't do. I am beautiful to Him no matter what I might look like to others. That all those things that happened to me were not my fault, I was not dirty and un-lovable. I was wanted and have a purpose. Above all of that I was not and orphan left to survive on my own.

Every chapter in our lives has a purpose. The problem is that most of us can't see that purpose on our own. This is where we need each other, God uses each of us. I can't help wonder sometimes if my life would of been different, had someone been willing to share with me. What if those 20 years could of been shortened, by me hearing that I was not alone. That I didn't need to earn love, or just that I would survive. We all want and need to belong, be loved and be needed. What if we started using our experiences in life to help others along? Wouldn't it be worth some of our own pain, if we could help someone out of theirs? If we could lessen their load by sharing our own? By opening up and telling our stories, we can show them how it ends. Not so much the whole book, but the chapter.