Do You Act Like You Believe?

We all do it, know something is bad for us and still continue. Like we know that we should exercise, that we should not eat certain things and yet we day by day are still the same. Why is that? There is more information available to us then ever before, thanks to the internet we don't even have to leave the house to gain this knowledge. We have the head knowledge.... but not the heart knowledge.

It goes for any area in our lives, not just our physical health. How about our emotional health? Is it easy to say, I believe that things will work out? Do we act like it will? Can you tell someone else that things will be okay? If we truly believed that, then why would we ever have fear or worry? Because taking that step from believing things will work out in our heads to knowing in our heart... is hard. Only from personal experience or seeing others walk through similar situations can we believe with our hearts. Just like the day you finally realize that you need to make a change in your diet or exercise. We need to be aware of our emotional health as well.

Would you sit and eat triple chocolate fudge ice cream in front of someone who is trying to lose weight? Why would you say that you believe that God will take care of you, then sit in worry or fear? By those actions are you helping those around you? Are you helping yourself? Just like taking care of our physical bodies will help us have a longer healthier life. Taking care of our emotional life will preserve us longer. Not only ourselves but others around us that are watching.

We need to be proactive in all areas of our health. Even if only one step at a time, all journeys begin with that first step taken. Don't try to do it all at once, as long as you are moving forward. Start where you are, take each day as an opportunity to grow. We have heard all of those before right? So stop listening and start doing.

Lets look at some practical steps to get us started:

1. Study... Learn what to do. When ever we want to do something new, we study and gain the knowledge needed right? Want to eat healthier? Study from others that have the information we need. Want to start exercising? Seek training from someone with the proper training that we need. Want to learn how to have faith in God for your life? Study His word, take the time needed to read and soak it in.

2. Seek ... So you have the knowledge, now seek a helper. Having someone come along side you and want the same goals that you desire, will allow you the help needed to succeed. Want to learn how to paint? You can study all there is available, but still not be able to paint a masterpiece. Having someone there to walk you through the steps and give advice, helps you to become the best you can be. Spending time in prayer with God will give you the closeness that you need. You will learn to hear His voice and have that one on one connection.

3. Step ... Take those first scary steps. Someone once said that if you would allow yourself to be outrageous for 60 seconds, you can do amazing things. By taking a chance you can conquer those fears. It is not enough to just believe something, if you are not willing to do like you believe. You have to eat that healthy meal, enter that gym and take that step towards God's plan for you. Are you willing to take your own advice? You have the head knowledge. Taking those steps takes the knowledge from the head down to the heart.

4. Share ... Have you ever taught someone how to do something? Most of the time when we teach someone, we gain an even better understanding of the task. The more we practice the better we become. Not only will we improve but we will also help others grow. Many times people are watching us to see how we reacted to situations. Our reaction could help or hinder someone's personal walk with or towards God. Who wants to believe and then follow a God that really can't help? Of course He can and does, but we portray to others that He can't. By us showing fear and worry, we show our lack of faith. On the other hand when we walk out our faith by acting like we say we believe. We have become the witness that we are called to be. Either sharing our stories of how God has been there for us or just by acting out our faith... both lead others toward their best life.

Saved by the Baby

I've always believed that babies are a blessing to be loved. Even as a young child I could not understand why I was not loved. I had dreamed of one day being able to have a baby to love, to give her the love I wanted. Some how by being able to do that I could love me.

So how did I end up as an 18 year old bent on destruction? I escaped the torture at home, only to be thrown into a different type of torture. One of my own doing, only I didn't realize that at the time. Looking back now as an adult I can see some of the whys I did what I did. I felt like if men were going to take advantage of me, then I was going to try and control some of it. Like the who, if I could pick who was going to hurt me... then I had some control. I also found out about drugs and drinking, they gave me more "control". I could make myself numb to the pain and hurt. Those thoughts of control were always lies I told myself. Lies that gave me a false security that I longed for.

During that year I took many chances with my life. Feeling unloved, unwanted and unneeded will give anyone reason to feel like life didn't matter. I can look back now and see many times where even despite my lifestyle, God protected me. Even before I gave my life to Him, He loved me. He saw something in me that I could not see. He even knew what it was going to take to save me from myself.

Oh no... I might be pregnant! Words no young, unwed, all alone girl wants to hear. I was late and now very scared. I can't even begin to explain why I had peace. I had no reason to feel any type of peace. What was I going to do? How could I take care of a baby when I was not even able to take care of myself? For some reason I even had some excitement over the thought of a baby coming. Of course everyone helped take that excitement away pretty quickly. I should feel shame and embarrassment, not peace and joy. One thing was for sure, my life was changing. That very moment I knew I needed to clean my life up, no more destruction. I had a reason to live!

Even now looking back at my life, I know that God allowed that baby to come to save me. That now 22 year old, gave me reason to live. If it wasn't for that little baby, I might not be here today sharing my story with you. It would take me 5 more years before I would allow another baby to truly save me. Then another 13 years another baby will help me finally heal. I will share both of those stories soon.

The Bad Might Not Be So Bad

When does a big bill seem like a small one? When you get an even bigger one of course. Having a dentist tell you that it will cost $1000 to have the work done is very shocking. Now it is funny how we can be thankful for something today when 2 weeks ago we were distraught over it. That is when today you get a second opinion that is more then double the first.

How many of our own life events can we look back on and be thankful that they did happen or maybe that they didn't? I know going through them is hard and sometimes might seem unbearable. This is where my point comes in once again, if we share our lives.... we can help others. Hearing that someone else went through the same stuff and survived gives hope to the hopelessness. Just knowing that our "event" is nothing new, will give someone the courage they need to continue on.

Many things come to mind when I ponder this thought. How about the job we thought we wanted so bad and told the position has been filled. Only later we find the perfect job for us. Or the house we knew was just right, then 3 more not right houses later we buy our real home. Being in a bad car accident only to find out later that we could of died. The list could go on forever and I'm sure all of us have some of these bad turned not so bad event in our life stories.

I know that my childhood was bad, also that it could of been way worse. Now I have the choice to dwell on that bad or look for ways to make it not so bad. I'm choosing to share my story so that my bad can give someone else hope. That they are not alone, that they can survive this and they can have joy one day. Does it take away from the things that happened to me? Of course not... they are always going to be there and will still pop up from time to time. I will have bad days and the good days. Now the joy comes more often and the knowing that I've touched lives as I share keeps the joy longer.

Whose Child is This?

Have you ever been somewhere and saw a little one that looked lost? Our first response is keep them safe, while you start looking around for an upset mom or dad. Because we just know that they must be almost frantic looking for them. What about a child that is being abused? Why is it that we try to hide these things? Turn away and figure that someone else will do something. Why is it okay to respond to the little lost toddler, but not the young girl that shows signs off shame? The helping of that little one will be quick and our involvement will be done. The abused child will take much more effort on our part and theirs.

I grew up with two male figures in my childhood. Both being step fathers, my birth father left before I was born. The first one didn't want me there, so he was verbally abusive. I was a burden that he didn't want or need in his life. The second one wanted me to much... he sexual abused me from the time I was around 9 or 10 until I left home at 17. Then he found me and raped me for the last time at age 20. I was not their child to protect.

I've spent almost 20 years trying to figure out whose chid I was. My birth father didn't want me, 2 step fathers would never call me their child to love and protect. Even my mother was never strong enough to love and protect me. So I spent those years trying and failing to earn someone's love and protection. Trying to be the good little daughter. Never fulling grasping that a true parent would love me without me doing anything for it.

It took some heart wrenching loses to realize that my "Daddy" God loves me just for who I am. His love is there no matter what I do or don't do. I am beautiful to Him no matter what I might look like to others. That all those things that happened to me were not my fault, I was not dirty and un-lovable. I was wanted and have a purpose. Above all of that I was not and orphan left to survive on my own.

Every chapter in our lives has a purpose. The problem is that most of us can't see that purpose on our own. This is where we need each other, God uses each of us. I can't help wonder sometimes if my life would of been different, had someone been willing to share with me. What if those 20 years could of been shortened, by me hearing that I was not alone. That I didn't need to earn love, or just that I would survive. We all want and need to belong, be loved and be needed. What if we started using our experiences in life to help others along? Wouldn't it be worth some of our own pain, if we could help someone out of theirs? If we could lessen their load by sharing our own? By opening up and telling our stories, we can show them how it ends. Not so much the whole book, but the chapter.

When Does Our Story Start?

I've often wondered when our story truly begins. I know that God knew me before I was born and anyone ever laid eyes on me. I do believe we also have things about us that began even when we were tiny babies. That our bodies retain memories that help direct some of our choices later in life. So is that the beginning? What about our earliest memories, how ever old you may have been. Some like my husband have memories as far back as a toddler, myself I only have a handful of memories before I was age 10. Does our story begin when we are old enough to make our own choices? That can't be, because even some adults aren't able to make their own choices. So I'm going with my earliest memories.

I went through a year of therapy after a nervous break a few years ago. One of the lessons I learned was that our mind can keep memories from us to protect us. God knows what things we need to remember and what things are just not needed. My son had a bad accident 2 years ago and totaled his truck. He still is unable to remember what happened during the accident. For a few weeks he couldn't remember even having the accident, which gave him time to heal. If he had been worrying about what he did wrong, he would of delayed his physical healing. No one else was hurt, it was between his truck and a tree. His best friend was with him and could of been hurt, which would of eaten my son up. So my thinking is that we remember the parts of our lives that truly matters for the big picture.

Now who is it that our life matters to? Is it just for our own journey? Maybe for those close to us, family and friends. What if there is a bigger plan, a much bigger plan? I know without a doubt that God used a very close friend to share her life with me, that played a big role in my own healing. Her willingness to share herself with me, kept me from taking my own life when I was in the deepest dark hole. Could your story help someone right now? If you knew that the answer was yes, would you share? I'm betting that you would, most people would. We all have the desire to help others.

Is our desire to help others bigger then the need to protect ourselves? The answer to that question, answers so many problems in life. What gives you joy? If you really were to ponder that question, I'm sure that the answer would have something to do with helping others. Think about it we have joy watching someone open a gift we gave them. We have even more joy when they love it! This is why I'm putting my life online, why I'm willing to open myself up for possible rejection. My desire to help others is much bigger then my need to protect myself.

This is the why and tomorrow I will start sharing some of the hurts and lessons that have gotten me to this point in my own life story....

To Blog or Not to Blog

For a few years now I've thought about, practiced writing and even published a few posts on this blog. Each time life gets busy and this gets pushed back further on the to do list. Then for some reason it keeps coming up, that I should blog about my life. About the hurts, sadness, lessons and joys.

My hope is that I will be able to encourage someone that might be hurting right now. Believe me when I tell you I know what it feels like to hurt, to feel all alone in that hurt. I also know what it feels like to heal and see a future of joy.

Please feel free to share your own stories as I share mine. I truly believe that our story is for us to share, in doing so we can help those around us...... then they can pass it on to others.